Exposed

Ok, It's time to get honest, vulnerable, transparent....

One of the biggest things I struggle with is physical appearance/beauty. I worry about it too much. I always check myself in the mirror or window when I walk by to make sure everything is in place.. I am not proud of this. In fact, it's hard for me to write it because I have always thought that, that was one way I was unique, that I didn't care as much as other girls. And that may be true to a degree, but I still let it control me a lot of the time. I am always worried about how others perceive me, what they think when they see me or what comes to their head when they think of me.

Lately I have been trying to free myself of that burden. That, "What does everyone think of me. I hope they like me. I don't want to look dumb" burden. I have been trying to let loose and let go of that fear.

Well, the next step is my personal physical appearance. It's a small step. But you have to take small steps if your ever really going to accomplish something..

The thing I am going to do, at least until graduation day, is to stop wearing make up. To let myself be "beautiful" as me. Just me, exactly how I am. I've been doing it for the past 2 days and I have to say I kinda love it. Not only does it save time in the morning but I do not have to worry about how my make up looks, if my eye liner is smeared etc all day.

It's not all easy though. It is definitely hard for me, it's denying myself. That part of me that tries to hide the fact that I, like a lot of girls, struggle with seeing the beauty in myself. I'm trying to see the beauty in who I am, every aspect, inside and out. It's a little personal journey I'm going on.

I don't want to look at this as a "self improvement effort"

It's much more of a letting go process, a letting the real me out journey.