A punch in the gut

I am reading the book "Plan B" by Pete Wilson.
I've mentioned it before here.

It's a book about dealing with life when things don't go as we planned them.
Chapter 10 is titled "Anchor". The whole chapter is great (as is the entire book) and has a lot of powerful things to say (again, as does the entire book. beware this book will beat you up, in the best possible way). But the part of the book that beat me the hardest talks about idols.

He quotes Ezekiel 8-19 where the body of Christ is basically called a whore. Yes a whore. A prostitute. Seem harsh? It's not. It's complete truth. A hard truth to swallow. None of us want to admit that we are a whore, I mean, that's not something you want to tell people. But we cannot deny it.

We have many other lovers. We have denied our first love, our best love and called other lovers into our bedchambers. We have idols.

An idol is simply the thing we take, other than God, and make it our ultimate focus. I don't think there is one of us who can say we have never done this, that something or someone has not been more of a focus to us than God. Me least of all.

So how do we figure out what our idols are? (i'm betting that it is actually easier than we think, that we actually right now know what it is.) Louie Giglio says that we should follow the trail. What do we give our: time, affections, energy, money, and allegiance to? Seriously, do it. It's not pretty. I don't think I can put God at the front of any of those trails. And that breaks my heart. That the throne is not constantly filled by my Savior, my Jesus.

God tells us later in Ezekiel (16:29-42) that he will let us chase after our other lovers, but that we should know that they will hurt us, disappoint us, ruin us, betray us.

I am ashamed. Broken. How can I give my devotion to t.v. or the internet, or a broken relationship, or the pursuit of a job, or a dream, or even my family, over Christ.

How?

I want to change this. Desperately.

How?

By becoming aware of it. By writing this. By asking those in my life to call me out when they see it happening. By Christ's power. Not alone that's for sure. By allowing myself to be allured by God. By remembering that God has been faithful to us and demands our allegiance in return, that he wants us to pursue him even over our dreams and desires.

Let change begin in me.