{}

A good cry.

A good cry can heal so many things.

So can a listening ear and a strong shoulder to cry on.

A man who desperately wants to listen to you, to talk you through it, to hold you while you cry and to tell you how much he loves you when you've finally pulled it somewhat together.

Yes, these things are healing.

The easy and the perfect

I am sitting at my small kitchen table nestled in the bay window watching the last snow I'll see till next year fall outside the window.  I'm sipping my chai tea as a new band plays through my speakers. The scene is peaceful, yet inside I feel chaos.

I think about the things I said, the things I should have said, the fear and the doubt and the struggle to let go of my desire for control. Support, full "I'm behind you no matter what" support is hard. It's beautiful but it's not easy, especially when it messes with the perfect scenes you expected your life to play.

But that's just it, those words, "easy", "perfect", do they really exist? If they do, are they really the best words I want to describe my life? If someone asked me the words you would want to describe me and my life would "perfect" and "easy" really be on the list? Or would words like "adventure" and "courage" and "faithful" and "joyful" and "meaningful" and "full of love" be what I would choose. In order to get words like that, I have to let go. I have to open my clinched fist and give over the "perfect" and the "easy"and that can get messy. The struggle to let go is never pretty, and you often do things you regret in the midst of it. I'm learning that the hard way and I am so thankful that those in my life show me such grace when I've made a fool of myself.

So today,  I start loosing that death grip. I decide choosing to be faithful and courageous during this adventure and to find joy and meaning in the "todays' instead of the "tomorrows". I believe that this will allow me to have a life full of real love, instead of storybook love, it will allow me to be more fully aware of the loving and guiding hand of my Saviour, and force me to lean heavily on Him. It will paint a more beautiful and fulfilling life.

So, so long to easy and perfect (it's still hard to make my fingers type those words, they are reluctant to let go...) in the long run, you will not be missed.