Introverts

I am finding that the older I get, the more introverted I am. I read this article yesterday and I identified with just about every single one.

I wish/hope my friends understand that when I turn down a party, or leave early, or look like I am not having a good time because I am quiet or by myself for a few moments, that it has nothing to do with them, or the party. I am probably having a good time, or have had a good time, and I definitely appreciate the invite. It's just that I am probably totally exhausted by the people. Or I just don't have it in me to venture into a room full of people I may or may not know and small talk. It's scary and exhausting. At the same time, please don't think I want you to stop inviting me. Please invite me. I want to be a part of things..I just may not want to be a part of everything. 

I would love to go to lunch or coffee or dinner or a drink with you and maybe on or two others. I would talk and laugh and have a wonderful time, because you see, I can handle a small crowd in a manageable setting. So have some grace and understanding with this introvert when she doesn't show up or seems less than enthused after a few minutes at a party. She loves you. Then, offer her a cup of coffee and a little one on one. 

Taking Stock

Making : myself cozy on the couch, after my workout. The fire is going, the tree is lit and I'm enjoying some of my favorite "girl" shows.

Cooking : Not much since Thanksgiving. I have left overs for days. BUT, I think today was the last day I could choke them down. The cooking starts again tomorrow. 
Drinking : Water. How lame, yet healthy. Trying to stay hydrated this winter. 
Reading : Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist  and I am loving it! I forgot it was on my Kindle and i just started reading it again. So inspiring to live your life with joy and in every moment. I am also still reading The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller. Of course, this is still amazing and also still kicking my butt. I have got myself a lot of things to learn and work on in this marriage thing. 
Wanting : to find everyone the perfect gifts for Christmas! Also, to find a great place to volunteer this holiday season. 
Looking: forward to doing all sorts of holday activities with Steve. Making Christmas cookies, driving to look at lights, watching Christmas movies etc.
Playing: Christmas music. all the time. 
Wasting: leftovers. I just can't eat one more bite of turkey.
Sewing: I should probably just remove this category, because
Wishing: for it to snow. 
Enjoying: All the holiday things. 
Waiting: for Steve to call me after his lessons are done. 
Liking: the puppy cuddles I am getting right now. 
Wondering: where we will be living this time next year. What home will I be decorating for Christmas with my new husband? 
Loving: the way Steve asks me to marry him again and again in the middle of everyday moments. 
Hoping: that I convey everyday how thankful I am for this life I have been so graciously given.
Marveling: at how amazingly gracious and giving my parents are.
Needing: to check a few things off my wedding to-do list 
Smelling: my new pecan pie candle.
Wearing: workout pants, a long sleeve shirt and bare feet. It's a cozy night. 
Following: my to-do list. It's never ending and it's almost ALL wedding. 
Noticing: how happy a lit Christmas Tree and fireplace can make a person. 
Knowing: that this year is going to be over before I know it. I only hope I make the most of what's left of it. 
Thinking: about how I only have 5 months left of being a Witt, and being totally weirded out by that.
Bookmarking: all the gold glitter DIY decorations for our wedding. 
Opening: Instagram. I might have a problem. 
Giggling: what? What is the world am I supposed to put here?
Feeling: sleepy. 

Putting the Marriage Above the Wedding

The wedding is pretty much the only thing on my mind these days. Wedding dresses, wedding planning, wedding countdown, engagement pictures, if it's part of a wedding, it's on my mind. In fact, my mom and MOH are coming in TONIGHT and we are going to find me a perfect dress for this big day. 

But with all this talk and focus on the wedding, sometimes I forgot that I need to be putting twice (probably more like 124738947491) as much effort into preparing for our marriage. We have been reading "The Meaning of Marriage" by Tim Keller and it has been fantastic. Last night I read a section that just rocked me a little bit and I haven't been able to get it off my mind. He is talking about the meaning of marriage and he says " Each spouse should see the great thing that Jesus is doing in the life of their mate through the Word, the gospel. Each spouse then should give him or herself to be a vehicle for that work and envision the day that you will stand together before God, seeing each other presented in spotless beauty and glory". Wow. The whole meaning of marriage is to become holy, to see the potential in your spouse and do whatever you can to help get them there. Keller says the only way to truly do that, is to have a deep spiritual friendship. You must be friends in order for you to be able to help your spouse in their journey to holiness. This is a big responsibility and one that needs our full attention. In the next chapter he is going to talk about ways to do that for our spouse. I can't wait to see what practical ways he uses to do this. 

There are times where it all seems so terrifying and I can't help but think " how in the world am I going to do this?", but that's just it isn't it? In this world, we can't do it. We must completely empty ourselves and fling ourselves at our Savior. I think that's the only way to do this thing.

Fall Wish List

You wouldn't think that with work and planning a wedding I would be able to think about anything else..but I'm still a girl. And I still love fashion, and fall. So here is a little fall wish list I have!

This sweater

This "to the moon and back" print

This American Eagle Jacket

This bathtub caddy for those cold nights spent reading in the tub.

This scarf for those extra cold days

And lastly, this book to curl up with and get lost in.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

Hi all. Sorry thing have been pretty quite over here. Ever since we got engaged life has been absolutely crazy. First, I work in the tax department, which means that from September-October 15th work is INSANE. I was working 12 hour days all week and all weekend. This barely left time for sleeping or seeing my fiance, so blogging just didn't make the cut.

When work has its momentary lulls, I am working on planning this wedding! Let me tell you, we haven't gotten very far. BUT, we did just decide on a DATE AND A VENUE!! I'm not giving any details yet, but let me tell you it is going to be PERFECT! We found a venue and a setting that fits us perfectly and we just can't wait to see it all come together. Since we found the place and set a date, all of the other 298798797983724 details have started racing through my mind. I've hardly been able to think about anything else! It's overwhelming and exciting and wonderful all at once. So, please forgive me if my posting is a little sparse until after the 15th, but I'm just trying to keep my head above water over here.

I hope those of you who stop by will keep coming back!

Oh Darling, Let's Be Adventurers

Let me tell you a story. A story about love between a boy and girl who decided to go on a big adventure.

First, there is a little back story. Anyone who knows our story knows that we had a rough and complicated start. But we were friends, good friends and one day we went on a day trip to Chattanooga (a nearby city that we have both come to LOVE). On that trip we went to Raccoon Mountain. We walked and talked and I think that is when we started falling in love (even if I wouldn't admit it yet). That trip was special and it has stuck out in both of our minds for the past 2 years.

OK, so back to our engagement. We were headed to Chattanooga for Labor Day weekend. We had both had a rough summer and Steve had just gotten back from a 3 week tour in Canada. Chattanooga is one of our favorite cities and we were so excited to get away from everything and just enjoy ourselves.

**Now Steve and I had gone to look at rings several weeks back, but I really didn't think he had one yet. So even though it was always in the back of my mind, I was not expecting him to propose this soon.

My office closed early on Friday and that morning Steve text me and suggested we go to Raccoon Mountain on the way into town. I said I thought it would be a great idea. So after work, I ran home and finished packing a few things and we were on the road. About 30 minutes in we hit AWFUL traffic. Standstill, hour wasted traffic. Around this time Steve started getting very frustrated, I just thought he was annoyed with traffic and kept assuring him it was fine and that we were in no hurry. This didn't really help.

The closer we got to Chattanooga the more anxious he got. He was so worried that we wouldn't make it to the mountain before the sun went down. I kept telling him it was ok, that we could come back tomorrow, but he was not having it. At one point, he said "It's really important to me that we make it to the mountain tonight". So, to the mountain we went!

As we started up the mountain Steve was going about 50 (don't worry Mom, he was being safe!) just to make it in time. At this point I started thinking that MAYBE this could be it, but kept telling myself to stop because if it wasn't I would just be disappointed. Once we got to the top, there was a gate that closed at 7:30, it was 7:15. Steve had the most defeated look on his face, but we raced up the rest of the mountain.

We pulled  up to a beautiful overlook and Steve jumped out of the car. We stood there for about 20 seconds before he turned to me and said "I'm being really weird aren't i?" to which I agreed. Then he started in on his speech and slowly started to reach into his pocket. I couldn't stop saying "What are you doing? Oh my gosh, what are you doing?" Then he got on his knee and proposed.

After some freaking out, we prayed together. This was the most precious moment of the whole day. Standing there with the man I just agreed to love for the rest of my life, praying for our future to Love Himself.

We snagged a quick picture and then had to rush back to the gate before it closed!

We made all the important phone calls and celebrated with those we love most. There were lots of squeals and smiles. Then we celebrated with champagne and dreaming about the future and spent the rest of the weekend in engaged bliss.

We haven't set a date yet, but all I know is that I cannot wait to marry my best friend.

Today I believe:

Today I believe:

- A clean home really does make for a "clean" mind.

- That puppy kisses and cuddles are just about one of the best things at the end of the day.

- Being loved by someone is the most amazing, mysterious, and humbling thing to experience.

- We should stop living for the weekend and live in this moment, in all it's fullness.

- Listing what you are thankful for makes you forget all the things you were just upset about.

- That family was meant to be close. We were not meant to live so far from one another.

....

So I've been moving (meaning that I moved last week and am still trying to unpack a week later) and Steve is FINALLY back which means my time has been totally taken up by boxes and boy. I'll be back soon.

Beauty.

What does that word mean? What deserves it's name? Is it the shape of a face, the color of hair, the style of clothes? Is it flowers and mountains and oceans? Is it love and laughter and compassion?

It is often so easy to forget what true beauty is. To remember that beauty is: Courage and love and joy and acceptance and sharing those things with those around you. It's loving with your whole life, the one that created it. It's looking at yourself and the person you are and seeing a perfect child of the King and accepting who that is. It's letting go of expectations and stereotypes and letting yourself be truly you, mess and all. It's the daily fight to take that next step to being the person you know you were created to be, no matter how hard or scary it is. It's seeing the beauty in the small and seemingly un-beautiful. It's laughter and sharing your deepest parts of yourself with someone. It's trust and abandon. It's serving and putting yourself last. It's thanksgiving and awe. 

That is beauty. Those things are worthy of the name. Let us not forget today. Let us be beautiful.

Fall-ing?

Normally around this time of year, I start getting excited about Fall. The sweaters and the leaves and the warm drinks and fires and smells and the promise of the Holidays. People around me, and those on the blogs I read seem to have caught the fall fever, but not me. Not this time. Not yet.

I'm not ready to give summer up yet. I'm not ready to say goodbye to the days that last into the night. To every evening spent out on the patio, grilling or just sitting while we drink a cold beer. To the warmth of the sun stinging my skin and the glow it gives it. Not ready to say goodbye to the dresses and sandals. Mostly not ready to say goodbye to the feel of summer. The easy, go lucky, adventurous feel of it all.

Maybe I feel this way because it has rained seriously like every weekend this whole summer so I haven't got to fill all my summer needs. OR because I hate being cold. I hate it and I feel like I JUST said goodbye to the constant cold. Maybe it's just because this has been a hard, but wonderful summer and I'm just not ready to see it go quite yet. Whatever the reason, I am just not on the Fall train yet. It can hold off for awhile as far as I'm concerned. Summer forever!

What about you? Are you ready for fall?

Currently

Reading:  Not getting to do this enough. I have a few books that I am wanting to read, and I just haven't had a chance to really dig in. I plan to change that this weekend/week though! PS I'm always looking for  new book recommendation, so if you've read something awesome lately fill me in!

Eating: Trying to eat something new every night while Steve is gone. This week ended up being pretty busy, so it didn't quite go like I planned. BUT tonight I did make the most delicious quinoa with roasted cauliflower and mushrooms and goat cheese. YUM!

Thinking About: Lots of things on my mind lately actually. How quickly I want the next 11 days to go. How much I need to do in those 11 days. Friendships. What I want my career/life to look like in the next 5 years. and on and on and on.

Enjoying: Sleeping in a bed again. Thought it means that Steve is gone and I don't enjoy that sleeping on an air mattress for the past month was starting to take it's toal on my body. It's been really nice to sleeep on an actual matress.

Watching: Fringe. Guys, oh my gosh. I started watching it because my sister in law suggested it and said that they answer LOST questions, so I just HAD to check it out. And just like I always do I got totally addicted and invested and I LOVE IT. You have to kind of get past the first 10 or so episodes and get used to the kind of gross beginnings to the episodes (those eventually stop) but then, its so good. The story line is good and interesting and just weird enough that you don't have to worry about those things actually happening to you. And guys, the acting is so gooood! The characters are perfect and there is just enough comic relief to make the craziness bearable. If you are looking for a new show, I would recommend it, especially if you are a JJ Abrams fan. It's on Netflix, and Hulu Plus. Enjoy

Listening to:  Like the rest of the world, I am listening to the new Civil Wars album. Oh my. It's gorgeous and painful and real and you can hear the tension and hurt in every note and it's beautiful. I pray (not only for our sakes and the sake of good music, but for them and their personal lives) that they can work out and mend whatever happened between them. They make such beautiful music and they seemed like such good friends that it breaks my heart to know that it's broken.

Loving: The fact that it's the weekend. While it will have it's fair share of business and packing, I also plan to read some and rest and take a nap here and there. I felt so burnt out by the end of this work week, I really need to recharge and rest up. Plus, it means that I only have to endure one more weekend before that cute boy of mine is finally home.

Counting Down

If you don't follow me on Instagram or I haven't talked to you in the last month you might not know that Steve is gone for the next 15 days 26 minutes 33 seconds (but whose counting). He is doing a little Canadian tour with Eric Lee Beddingfield (if you happen to be into NASCAR Eric just sang the national anthem at the Pocono race Sunday. Pretty cool!).

While I am SO proud of Steve and so excited that they are getting to do this tour and what it all could lead to, I am not the best with separation. I have always been horrible at goodbyes and poor Steve can tell you I am still no good at it. The guy had to watch me cry at least 3 times on Friday as he prepared to leave. I was Little Ms Waterworks.

I'm looking at it as a good thing though. It just means I love him a whole heck of a lot right? ;)

While he is away, I am trying to keep myself as busy as possible. I am moving in 12 days and so packing will take up a lot of my time (such a great distraction). But I am also trying to refocus on some things that I have let slip away from me. Things like, a consistent bible study and prayer time (this has been SO important. Leaning hard into my Savior and finding comfort there has been so good for my soul), a consistent work out schedule and getting back on track with eating healthy.

I have also decided to take on a little cooking challenge. I am going to cook something new that I have either seen or Pinterest or online somewhere or in a cookbook, that I have been wanting to try but didn't want to risk it when Steve was here (it's one thing if you ruin your own dinner, but ruining two peoples dinner is just a drag). I plan on printing out the winners and starting a little recipe binder with go-to recipes I know we will love. We spend so much time trying to figure out what to eat every night I think it will be so nice to have a place we can go to find recipes we love. I'll keep you updated on delicious meals I find!

All of that to say, I miss him everyday and CANNOT wait until he is back home and I can do little things like hold his hand again (I'm so dramatic, he's been gone 3 days). But I know this time is good. We are learning to communicate better while he is on the road (something we may have to get used to) and I'm getting all kinds of things done that I may not have done other wise and I'm learning absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

Just Write

Well here we go again. The famous "I'm really gonna be a better blogger" post.
I'm not even sure you can say I'm a blogger. How many posts do you have to post a month to be a blogger? 1? Shoot..I didn't make the cut.

The truth is, I really like blogging, but there are so many great blogs out there, so many that I read, that I get intimidated and wish my blog could be as good as their blog and then I just don't blog at all.

Well here is another attempt at getting back in the swing of writing about my life on here. I was talking to Steve the other day and he said "I think you would really enjoy a writing class". I thought, "You're 100% right. I would LOVE a writing class".

The thing is, I think that I should write first. I think I should get in the habit of writing on this, writing in my journal, writing on napkins and post its. Just write. A writing class isn't going to do me any good if I don't write.

So, if you used to read this and have long since moved on, please come back. Read my ramblings and jumbled thoughts and emotions and fears and joys, cause I'm gonna write about them. I promise it will be messy and raw and not well punctuated, but it will be written.

()

I am doing a very dangerous thing tonight. After a rough couple of days I am watching Eat Pray Love. Which means, I have an INTENSE desire to pack up, grab my man and travel the world for a year. I long to live in a slower paced society. One that knows how to take pleasure in things, to enjoy them deeply, I feel like we have lost that in America. We know how to be entertained, but we have forgotten how to take pleasure in things. 

That's all. 

Life in a Musicians World

It's Sunday afternoon and I am sitting in a coffee shop just up the street from CMA fest, where I just dropped Steve off to play his last CMA gig of the week. Today marks the 7th show he has played this week. As I sit here, waiting for the call to go pick him up I think about the life I find myself living. When I was in high school and all through college I said I wanted to end up with a musician, and if you asked anyone I knew they would have told you the same thing. It seemed so wonderful and exciting and somewhat "glamourous" in a poor musician, gypsy lifestyle sort of way. I remember saying, " I don't need money, just love of a boy who plays the guitar." There is some truth to that, but there is some hard lessons to learn in that statement as well.

Loving a musician isn't the easy path to choose. Is it wonderful? Is it worth every second? Yes. But it's also hard and discouraging at times and lonely at times (none of these things are Steve's fault, it's just part of the life.) 

There are late nights spent standing in the back of a smoky bar by yourself, surround by people who have clearly had to much to drink and watching a set you've seen and heard a hundred times. There are months where money and if there will be enough of it are what consumes his thoughts, and yours as well (even if your not married yet). There is fear of the future, will we ever be able to get married? Will there ever be steady income? Will I ever be able to be a stay at home mom? Will I have to be alone many nights while he is on the road? There is the acceptance that his guitar and good tone and amps and mics and all things music will always be his mistress. 

But there are so many wonderful things about this life. There is joy and pride in watching him take the stage and do what he does best and loves so much. There is laughter and more pride in hearing the people in that smoky bar rave about the blond guitar player and how great he is, knowing that, that is the man you love, and who loves you. There is a house filled with the warm sounds of a guitar or the smooth notes on a piano or a record spinning on the needle. There is adventure and faith. There is a whole deeper part of your relationship that comes with having complete faith that things will work out, that you are both in the hands of a good God and that he will not let your drown. There is those moments when you get to see his dream start to really unfold and take shape and times where you learn to comfort and encourage in the times it seems to be falling apart. 

It's not a life for everyone. It comes with many many ups and downs and struggles and triumphs and joy and pain, but I am so glad it's mine. I wouldn't trade a second of it. Not for anything. There have been and I am sure there will be many more people who disapprove or doubt this choice I've made and I can see their point in many ways. But to them I would reply " I was born for a life of adventure, and for a man who lives his dream as wild and crazy as it may be. This is the life I was born for, you see I really have no choice at all. How could I ever argue with the plan the Creator of the universe has written for me. How could I ever go after anything less. No, this is right where I am meant to be." Right in the middle of a love that is wild and deep and real living a life that is just the same....

Sell Yourself In 10 Words

I am choosing to do this with 10 separate words that I feel describe me instead of one sentence. Ok, here we gooo.

1. Quiet
2. adventurer
3. emotional (like i feel things deeply, not necessarily a basket case)
4. compassionate
5. loved
6. clean
7. spontaneous
8. thinker
9. fun lover
10. traveler


Your turn!

The next question is what is your most embarrassing moment. I have to be honest, I can't think of one big moment that will forever scar me...you see the thing is, for most of my life I have played it safe, kept quiet and tried to be invisible and when you live like that there aren't a lot of opportunities to be embarrassed at least not enough to warrant a blog post about it. Unless anyone who reads this blog can think of one. If so PLEASE share it in the comments section, that would be fun...

Sorry to disappoint on this question..

Advice

I kind of fell behind on the "blog every day in May" thing, but I still plan on answering all of the questions.

Question 8: A piece of advice you have for others (anything at all)

I would say, do things that scare you. Move to a new city, start your own business, say yes to the date, trust your heart.

I can say that the best things in my life have come from saying yes to things that terrified me. I moved to Nashville all alone, I joined a small group where I new no one, I took a leap and trusted my heart and said yes to a boy who changed everything I thought about love. It's so easy to stay comfortable, to do the things that are safe and expected, but there is no adventure in that. You have to choose to live in adventure, and I can tell you that from what I've experienced so far, adventure is far better than safety. It's not easier, but it is so much better.

Take a chance.

Day 7: What Are You Afraid Of

Day 7: What am I afraid of? There are the typical answers like:
Wasps (I have panic attacks)
Car crashes
Heights

Then there are the deep, real answers like:

Being rejected. To the point where it is beyond difficult to ever put myself out there. Whether it be in relationships or activities.

Losing someone I love. When I think about all of the people who have experienced this, my chest gest tight, my heart starts to pound and I start to panic. I cannot imagine losing someone that I love so much. Someone in my family, or Steve, or one of my friends. I just can’t imagine how I would handle something like that.

Failing. I often quit things because it’s easier to not try than to fail.

The challenge is not to not be afraid, but to not let the fear rule your life.


" For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." - 2 Timothy 1:7

Day 6 - What Do You Do?

I'm skipping day 5 but I'll come back to it...

Day 6: What do you do (you cannot answer with your job)

One lesson I have learned since I moved to Nashville, is that you are not your job. Your job does not define your worth or what you are about. Your job is just that, your job. It is a necessary thing to have and sometimes you can be very lucky and it can be something that you love, that you are very passionate about and sometimes you can be like the majority of people and it is just a job. I have grown to cringe at the question “so what do you do?” as one of the very first things you ask someone. As if what their job is, is the first and most important part of them. We are so much more that our jobs. (stepping off soap box now.)

SO, what do I do?

I laugh. I laugh at my boyfriend (all. The. Time) I laugh at tv shows, I laugh at awkward moments, I laugh at myself, I laugh the ridiculous things that happen in life.

I cry. I cry at nothing. I cry at movies. I cry when I feel let down or disappointed. I cry when I feel I have disappointed or let someone down. I cry at the pain in this world. I cry when I miss those who are far from me.

I run. I run towards adventure. I run away from fear. I run wildly toward love.

 I love. I love my boyfriend. I love (and miss) my family more than I can stand sometimes. I love my friends, near and far. I do my best to love those around me every day. I love my Savior.

I try. I try to live the life I have been called to. I try not to let lies sink in and I try not to start believing them. I try to do the best I can do where I have been blessed with a job. I try to be kind and full of grace to those in my life.

I live. I’m messy and complicated and confused and happy and joyful and struggling all at once.

These are the things I do.

Day 4 - Your Favorite Quote and Why You Love It.

Day 4 is your favorite quote and why you love it. Well that is just impossible.There are just too many good quotes out there for me to pick just one that is my all time favorite. Instead, I'll just pick the first one that came to my mind:

"Where you invest your love, you invest your life" - Mumford and Sons

I love that lyric. There is so much truth there. We tend to invest our love into things that don’t matter. The typical things like money and jobs and beauty and stuff. People so often times come last on our list. We must learn to invest our lives in the right things, in order to do this, we must give our love to the right things. We have to let go of the stuff, and reach for those around us. We must choose wisely.

Day 3: Things That Make You Uncomfortable

Day 3: Things that make you uncomfortable. Oh, there are so many. Let’s make a list shall we?

- Talking about myself
- public speaking
- high heels
- people making fools of themselves
- Weather below 75 degrees
- Argumentative people
- Unnecessary swearing
- Jokes that aren’t funny
- Touchy feely people
- People my own age who call me things like: honey, darling, dear etc.

What makes you uncomfortable?

Day 2

Something I'm good at:

I'm really good getting entirely too invested in a tv show. I can't help it. I get totally sucked in and all of a sudden I feel like I know the characters and can't wait to see what happens to them next and when it's over, I mourn the fact that I no longer have those "people" to learn about any more (am I sounding like a crazy person yet?)

Here is my step by step tutorial on how to get too addicted to a show:

1. Carefully pick out your new obsession (LOST, Friday Night Lights, New Girl, Alias, Pysch, Once Upon A Time are a few examples)

2. Watch the pilot episode and get completely sucked in.

3. Continue to watch episode after episode until you forget you actually live in the real world.

4. Become extremely invested in the characters. Laugh with them, cry with them, yell at them etc.

5. Cancel all plans because you have your tv friends to hang out with that night.

6. Stop before the final episode because you're just not emotionally ready to say goodbye yet.

7. Finally settle in to watch that last, emotionally taxing episode and cry when the credits roll.

8. Mourn over the loss of your close friends, wonder what they are doing now and wish you could see them again.

9. Walk back into society and pretend that you are just a normal person.


And that's it folks! Enjoy your new skill!!!

Blog Everyday in May: Day 1

I am going to try and do this "blog every day in May" challenge. I'm a few days behind so bare with me while I catch up. Day one is to tell my story in 250 words or less, so here we go....

I was born in Albuquerque, NM but we moved to McAlester, OK when I was 11, that is what I consider home. Growing up in a small town had it's ups and downs but looking back, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I lived in the country, went to a small Christian high school where everyone was like family, I could never go to Wal Mart without seeing someone I know, I was involved in everything possible at our church and I loved every second of it.

After I graduated high school I went to school at John Brown University in Siloam Springs, AR. I majored in Public Relations and was really involved in a group called BLUE which was responsible for bringing all the concerts to campus, my senior year I ended up being the director. College was a time of discovery for me. I found friends, I found my love for music and live shows, I found heartbreak and healing. I found my faith, I found me. 

After college I moved to Nashville in hopes of being in the music industry. After a couple years of things not turing out how I planned I finally ended up back in the industry, in the most unlikely of ways. I've had my ups and downs with Nashville, but in the end it has given me so much. It has brought me the most wonderful man I have ever met, and a life with him. I can't wait to see what else it brings. 

{}

A good cry.

A good cry can heal so many things.

So can a listening ear and a strong shoulder to cry on.

A man who desperately wants to listen to you, to talk you through it, to hold you while you cry and to tell you how much he loves you when you've finally pulled it somewhat together.

Yes, these things are healing.

The easy and the perfect

I am sitting at my small kitchen table nestled in the bay window watching the last snow I'll see till next year fall outside the window.  I'm sipping my chai tea as a new band plays through my speakers. The scene is peaceful, yet inside I feel chaos.

I think about the things I said, the things I should have said, the fear and the doubt and the struggle to let go of my desire for control. Support, full "I'm behind you no matter what" support is hard. It's beautiful but it's not easy, especially when it messes with the perfect scenes you expected your life to play.

But that's just it, those words, "easy", "perfect", do they really exist? If they do, are they really the best words I want to describe my life? If someone asked me the words you would want to describe me and my life would "perfect" and "easy" really be on the list? Or would words like "adventure" and "courage" and "faithful" and "joyful" and "meaningful" and "full of love" be what I would choose. In order to get words like that, I have to let go. I have to open my clinched fist and give over the "perfect" and the "easy"and that can get messy. The struggle to let go is never pretty, and you often do things you regret in the midst of it. I'm learning that the hard way and I am so thankful that those in my life show me such grace when I've made a fool of myself.

So today,  I start loosing that death grip. I decide choosing to be faithful and courageous during this adventure and to find joy and meaning in the "todays' instead of the "tomorrows". I believe that this will allow me to have a life full of real love, instead of storybook love, it will allow me to be more fully aware of the loving and guiding hand of my Saviour, and force me to lean heavily on Him. It will paint a more beautiful and fulfilling life.

So, so long to easy and perfect (it's still hard to make my fingers type those words, they are reluctant to let go...) in the long run, you will not be missed.

A Day of Love

Valentines Day. A day people either love or they HATE. I see so many people getting all in a tizzy one way or the other about this day. Here are my thoughts on it. Yes. It's silly and probably a little bit of a marketing holiday, and no, you should not need just one day to tell the people you love, you love them. BUT everyone needs a little silly in their lives and shoot, who is really going to complain about a holiday where you are encouraged to eat candy in the name of love?! And, yes, you should tell those you love them that you do all the time and do sweet things for them often, but why shouldn't we take one day a year and just go all out for the people we love. Whether you are in a relationship or not. It is so easy to get caught up in life, that it is nice to have a day where you are reminded to make those special people feel special. Why wouldn't you want to celebrate them? SO that's my thought on it all. Join in on the silly-ness and celebrate the people you love. I love this day and I am not ashamed.

I say all that, even though today I was a little bitter because Steve is 500 miles away. BUT even with that distance, he still made me feel so loved and appreciated today. I woke up to a sweet text and continued to get them through out the day. There was lots of wishing we could be together but also lots of promises to make it up with our own awesome self made holiday when he gets back. Then I came home to seriously the sweetest, most adorable, wonderful e-card I have ever seen in my life. It was the perfect combination of funny and incredibly sweet and heart felt. I have already watched it like 5 times. The night will end with a Skype date and we will kiss this LOVE filled holiday goodbye. Under the circumstances I'd say today was a pretty good Valentines day.

The Next 10 Days

Tonight, with tear filled eyes (I can't help it, I HATE goodbyes) I said goodbye to Steve for the next 10 days.

Steve has mono and is going up to Michigan to see his doctors and to be taken care of by his momma (let's be honest, no one can take care of you like your mom). We are really praying that he will not need to be up there for the whole 10 days and that he will soon be feeling better and on his way back to me. 

Let's not even talk about the fact that he is leaving the day BEFORE Valentines Day. Now, don't get me wrong, I understand Valentines Day is a silly holiday and I don't need one day to celebrate the fact that I am in love, but let's be honest. I love holidays, silly or not. I like to celebrate and it just sucks that the boy I love will be 529 miles away....

Needless to say, these next 10 days are not going to be easy ones. am going to miss that boy like crazy. I am going to do my best to fill my days with things that I have let go by the wayside lately (you know, like laundry). This little blog is definitely on that list. I just hope I can think up enough things to do so that this time goes by at a less miserable rate. 

Monday Means...

Monday morning.
Monday means, laying in bed wondering how long I can put off actually getting up.
Monday means, messy hair styles and comfy clothes.
Monday means, morning meetings and lots of coffee.
Monday means, longing for the weekend you just left behind.
Monday means, a new week of possibilities.
Monday means, even when life is hard, it goes on.

Happy Monday everyone!

Sick Days

Today is day 2 of being sick. I have caught the inevitable winter sickness and have been bed ridden for the past two days. I am thankful for Amazon Prime and it's free streaming of Alias, my Kindle (I'm reading The Snow Child, and I just can't stop), Zycam (the cold killer), chap stick, and my wonderful boyfriend who has come over both days to fix me lunch. 

The upside to being sick these past two days is that I have not had to go outside into this horrible weather! It has been cold and rainy and miserable outside and I am just as happy to not have to set a foot in it. Tonight things could get interesting here, we are under a ice storm warning and it could either get really ugly or be totally anti-climactic and just rain. Either way, the people of Nashville are panicking, and I am thankful I didn't have to try and drive to and from work in the madness. I will take my warm bed and my tv marathon any day over that.

Well, the boy is on his way over with Psych to keep me company (being sick can be so lonely) and I have a pot pie in the oven so it promises to be a pretty good evening despite the sniffles and body aches.

I hope your Tuesday finds you well and without ice falling from the sky.

Happy Monday! (I'M BACK)

After almost 2 months without internet at our home this weekend we FINALLY got it back! I have been so excited to be back in the internet world on a screen bigger than my little iphone. I have to admit though, it was kind of nice to not have the option to spend hours online everyday, especially during the holidays. It made me focus on those around me more and come up with other ways to spend my time. There are many things that it kept me from doing, though, that I really do need to work on. Like, finding a new car, or doing some future planning, etc. All of that to say, I am glad to have internet back but I am thankful for the time without it as well.

Life these past few months has been wonderful. I am still loving my new job, I got to go home and spend time with family, there was lots and lots of food and relaxing and reading and sitting by the fire and all the wonderful things that the holidays at home bring.

Now it's the new year and it brings an excitement all it's own. Of course there are the New Year's resolutions (which I can never fully develop by the beginning of the year, I'm still working on mine) and the anticipation of what 2013 will bring. I have a feeling it is going to be one of the best years yet.

Ok, I am going to wrap up this "all over the place" blog post. I just wanted to say Hello and that I'm back and will be posting a little more often now. :)