What If's and Maybes

What if I had loosened up.
maybe we would have talked
maybe we would have laughed
maybe we would have had breakfast
what if I hadn't walked away
maybe he would have smiled at me
He still would have left, and I would be fine

It was the opposite with you
What if we hadn't talked so much
what if we hadn't laughed so hard
what if we didn't stay out late
what if I had just walked away
what if you hadn't smiled at me
you still would have left
Maybe I would have been fine

Outside my window... the sun is shining, there is a slight breeze. Perfect pool weather

I am thinking... of how hard it is to find a job, especially one you actually want. Sigh, post graduation is tough.

I am thankful for... my parents. For supporting me, housing me, encouraging me and being patient.

I am wearing... a summer top, a pair of jeans, zip up sweatshirt, barefoot.

I am remembering... Falls Creek two summers ago. One of the best summers of my life. I miss it and the people that went with it.

I am creating... a pot of coffee. Wish I was creating something more artsy and exciting.

I am going... to think about getting a haircut. like a serious one (post to come soon)

I am reading... Pride and Prejudice and Plan B by Pete Wilson

I am hoping... that I find a great job and a place to live soon.

On my mind... is a sea of thoughts and emotions. I'm all over the place, really.

From the kitchen... there is the smell of coffee, and memories of meals made and laughter.

Around the house... are pieces of my life at school and my life at home. There's a lot of stuff

One of my favorite things... is laughing till you cry and your abs hurt. It's good for the soul.

Noticing that... I have big dreams and huge passions. and that I am not sure which one to go after first or the first step to take to make them happen.

Pondering these words... "You must be someone who knows who she is and how she fits into the world - who needs no one but God to make her a whole person."

A picture that I would like to share...

If...

If I could be a month, I’d be April

If I could be a day of the week, I'd be Friday

If I could be a time of day, I’d be 7 pm

If I could be a planet, I’d be Venus

If I could be a sea animal, I’d be a dolphin

If I could be a direction, I’d be right.

If I could be a piece of furniture, I’d be a loveseat.

If I could be a liquid, I’d be coffee

If I could be a gemstone, I’d be amber.

If I could be a tree, I’d be a palm.

If I could be a tool, I’d be a pocket knife

If I could be a flower, I’d be an tiger lily.

If I could be a kind of weather, I’d be sunny with a calm breeze.

If I could be a musical instrument, I’d be a piano.

If I could be a color, I’d be emerald green.

If I could be an emotion, I’d be content.

If I could be a fruit, I’d be a blackberry.

If I could be a sound, I’d be a melody.

If I could be an element, I’d be water.

If I could be a car, I’d be a Jeep Wrangler.

If I could be a food, I'd be avacado.

If I could be a place, I’d be the beach.

If I could be a material, I’d be down.

If I could be a taste, I’d be sweet with a touch of spice.

If I could be a scent, I’d be the smell of fresh flowers in the breeze.

If I could be an object, I’d be a good book, the kind you read every year .

If I could be a body part, I’d be eyes.

If I could be a facial expression, I’d be a smirk.

If I could be a song, I’d be Defying Gravity- Wicked (for today )

If I could be a pair of shoes, I’d be boots.

I love that time of day where it's just getting dark enough
that you have to turn on a light.

Now that I have graduated, I have a list of things I want to accomplish/become part of my life. So here is my "Summer and Beyond" list.

• Relearn photography
• learn 10 new songs on my keyboard
• Learn from my mom the art of cooking
  
• Learn a few of my own recipes and cook them for my parents when they get home
• Work out 4 times a week
• Educate myself on how to and then actually eat healthier
  
• Blog consistently
• Visit Nash, Kristin Piston, Kel, Dallas, Rachel and Falls Creek
• Get a good "healthy" tan ( yes I realize the oxymoron here, but I plan to use sunscreen, this is the "healthy" part- don't judge)
• Go to Gavin Degraw concert
• Read, read, read
• Clean out room/closet
  
• Make stuff ( hair accessories, house stuff etc)
• Tone up
• Journal more (I don't write down my thoughts enough- ya know the ones I can't put on here)
• Build my wardrobe with my developing new/adult style
• Memorize scripture
• Drink less pop
• FIND A JOB
• Wear lipstick
• Use my Polaroid
  
• Find new music
• See movies
• Spend one day a week alone, out doing different thing. To think, play, eat, learn...
• Buy and give more "saw this and thought of you" gifts
• Increase my vocabulary
  
• Grow my music knowledge
  
• Rest
  
• Sing more
• Dance
• Floss
• Read all the Jane Austen books
• Love
• Tattoos!

If it has to end, I'm glad you have been my friend, in the time of our lives

I graduated. From college. I always knew this day would be full of emotions. I was saying goodbye to a campus that had turned into "home", without even really noticing that it was happening. Every spot has a memory, a moment that played a role in shaping me into who I am.

In these past four years I have grown more that ever before. I grew into a leader, a woman, a better friend, I grew in confidence, I grew to believe in myself, I grew in being content to be single. I only cried when I had to say goodbye to the people that had become my family. Seeing that part of my life change broke my heart. Of course it was not goodbye forever, but it was goodbye to what used to be normal.

Now, the scary part comes. I have no idea what adventure God has planned for me next. With all my heart I hope it involves Nashville, but I know I'm not guaranteed this. I am trying to to trust and to be patient. Right now, I know God will provide, he always has.

Some moments from the big day:

Hannah, roomie freshm and sophomore year. love

Me, Kyle and Danielle. Student Activities family

A Adam. One of my oldest JBU friends. Love that boy

Mom and Dad :)

Best Friends, loves.

Don't know what I would have done without these girls

Michael and Clint (friends from Falls Creek) made the drive. Thanks boys!

Brother, Sister-in-law, and ADORABLE niece

My grandparents

Lisa. My sister. My best best friend. Love you girl. SO much

It was a special day.

Expect a rush of posts coming soon....

Like next week, cause this weekend I am going to my old roommates wedding.

No time for blogging.

See you soon.

It's over
Emotions are mixed

My heart is heavy for Nashville. For the people affected, lives changed, business ruined, lives lost. Part of me wishes I was there, to help, to do what I could for those affected.

No, I don't live there, it's not what some might call "home" to me. But in a way it is. My heart is there. It is home to me, it's where my future life lies. I consider it home.

Pictures like these and the stories break my heart.

So, as I cannot be there, and many of you cannot either, we pray. We pray for peace, for strength, for trust, and for love.