Lately my heart has yearned for something more. For a life other than this. It is dying to chase my dreams. To start a life and to do something with great meaning. My whole body aches with it.
Even though I know it's not true, school seems meaningless and shallow these days. I want more.
God has put this passion in my heart and it feels like it's about to burst at any second. I am literally itching to get to the next chapter. I read about others lives that are where I want to be and it takes a lot to not covet that.
I KNOW this is Satan attacking me and trying to make my last months here at JBU pass me by without being affective here. I am really trying to push those coveting and uncontent feelings and thoughts from my head. It's hard, but I'm trying.
I could really use your prayers in this. Pray for contentment. For motivation. To finish well. To make the most of my time here, of the relationships here.
I still can't wait to get to the next chapter (Nashville???? ;)) I'm not asking for that to go away, only that it will stop overwhelming my every thought and my attitude. I don't want to be that kind of woman, that kind of friend.
All these thoughts were really inspired by Joy Williams blog post. Read it here. I am going to use the poem she uses to close this off.
What We Want
by Linda Pastan
What we want
is never simple.
We move among the things
we thought we wanted:
a face, a room, an open book
and these things bear our names --
now they want us.
But what we want appears
in dreams, wearing disguises.
We fall past,
holding out our arms
and in the morning
our arms ache.
We don't remember the dream,
but the dream remembers us.
It is there all day
as an animal is there
under the table,
as the stars are there
even in full sun.
by Linda Pastan
What we want
is never simple.
We move among the things
we thought we wanted:
a face, a room, an open book
and these things bear our names --
now they want us.
But what we want appears
in dreams, wearing disguises.
We fall past,
holding out our arms
and in the morning
our arms ache.
We don't remember the dream,
but the dream remembers us.
It is there all day
as an animal is there
under the table,
as the stars are there
even in full sun.
from Waiting for My Life (1981)
2 comments:
I'm praying for you, sweets. And praying for some kind of wisdom to share with you. The thing that keeps coming to my mind right now is the lesson (learned a while back, but we humans ALWAYS forget and have to relearn stuff!!) about putting your focus on those around you and blessing their lives with yours and how that can change your perspective....
Love you!!!!
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