Braceface

Ya'll. I am thinking, pretty seriously, about getting braces. I am in emotional turmoil about this decision. On the one hand, I don't want them. I don't want to be a 24 year old girl with braces. I don't want the pain and the insecurity that comes with them. I don't want to be embarrassed to smile or eat. I don't want it. I don't want to wonder if they would secretly bother my boyfriend (this thought is silly) or if everyone I meet can't see anything else but the braces on my teeth. On the other hand. I want my teeth fixed. I want to no longer have to be insecure about my overbite or the shape of my face.I want to see if it will improve my bite and therefore lead to less headaches or neck pain. I want the end result. I want to smile confidently and not be so against getting my picture taken. These things would be life long. The negative would be temporary, A year and a half. Which sounds sooo long, but would fly by. If I don't do it, a year and a half from now I will have wished I just sucked it up and did it. So I think I'm gonna do it. And it will suck for some time. And then I'll get used to it and then it will be over. Amen.

Just Write

I don't post on here nearly as much as I used to. And you know why? Because I over think what I should write about. And I'm over that. So I'm gonna just write. And it may be funny or it may not be. And it may have meaning or it may be rambling. But it will definitely be what's on my mind. Hope you're ready for it. Cause it starts now.

Lately my faith has seemed stagnant. I don't feel like I'm growing like I used to. And I absolutely know that's on me. And I also know that I get upset with myself about it so often. I want to be. I want to feel as close as I did in high school, or that summer I worked at Falls Creek. But I don't. I have started to rely on the fact that I know a lot about it all. That I was raised in the church, that I have felt close before, that I have grown before. But that's not enough. That's not how it works. I must have that desire to keep growing now. To need him so desperately every day. I want to be a woman of God and that means I must again daily chase after him. I must daily wake up and rely on him. I must daily talk with him, pray, listen, ask, be in the word. These are things I must daily do. And I have failed miserably these days.

I know that this feeling I have. This pain of feeling distant, is good. That it is Christ calling me back to himself. It's going to be a journey and it's one I cannot wait to make.

4 months

Four months ago I started the best journey of my life. I started dating my best friend. I finally let go of all my hang ups and excuses and took a chance. And let me tell you. It has been some of the best 4 months of my life. I honestly never imagined I would feel the way I do as fast as I have. Actually I guess it really hasn't been all that fast considering our history. And although 4 months might seem like a silly thing to blog about I would disagree. It's a quarter of a year, it's a stepping stone to many more dates to celebrate and honestly every day with this man is a day I will celebrate. God has blessed me with the kind of relationship you always hope for. So here's to us, 4 months down and many more to go.

Kony 2012

Make Kony Famous


KONY 2012 from INVISIBLE CHILDREN on Vimeo.

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Today was one of those days. You know, the ones. Where for no real legitimate reason you feel heavy. Like your emotions have reached the tip of the glass and are now deciding to spill over. And the way they decide to come out is to literally spill out of your eyes. One of those days...

The tears just kept coming today. Whenever they felt like it, for no reason at all, all of a sudden my eyes would be full of tears and they would just spill over. I couldn't stop them and I couldn't explain them. But they felt like they came from the pit of me. So deep that I am sure they really have nothing to do with the things that happened today that made me release them.  No they were the result of many other things. Things that I know I am going to have to deal with. Things I am going to have to fight.

There is some good news. I don't have to fight them alone. I might have to really figure out what they are alone. That is probably going to take some serious time in prayer and reflection, but I do not have to fight them alone. First I have a Savior that promises never to leave me, that promises to help me carry my burdens, that will be by my side every step of the way giving me his strength. And if that was all I had, that would be enough, He is enough. But it's not all I have. I have parents who will fight with me. Who will pray over me. Who will always support me. Who love me. I have a boyfriend who will stand beside me, who will shoot down the lies of Satan with truth, who will hold my hand. I have a small group of girls who will pray with me, check in on me, listen to me and love on me the way that only girl friends can. I have people. And that makes days like today bearable. Because I know they won't last and that I am not alone. I refuse to let Satan make me believe I am alone. That was one of his main lies today. And he is wrong. So very wrong.

Flowers make it better

Tonight I think I will buy myself some pretty flowers. I will do this because today was the PERFECT spring day and tomorrow is going to be bleh blah gross and rainy and stormy and scary and then the rest of the weekend is going to be a lot less spring like AND Steve is gone for the weekend so I think all of those things are reason enough to buy myself some pretty flowers to get me through this blah weekend of storms and colder weather and no boy.

Amen