Matthew 14 tells the story of Jesus and Peter walking on the water. Jesus approaches the disciples while they are on their boat. He is walking on the water towards them. Once Peter realizes it is Jesus he steps out of the boat to go to him. After he gets out of the boat and looks around, seeing the waves and the wind it hits him what he is really doing and he begins to sink. He thinks he is going to drown. Jesus pulls him up, telling him he has little faith. But Peter got out of the boat right? That showed more faith than the other disciples. He just let fear overtake him in the middle of it.
Sound familiar? It does to me. I have trusted God enough to get out of the boat. I made the move, I gave up that relationship, I took that risk. But then things don't go exactly how I thought they would. The wind is still howling and the waves are still raging. Fear starts creeping in, then doubt, then I start to feel myself sinking. Sinking into self pity, anger, frustration, insecurity.
I knew God asked me to step out of the boat, so I did. I had the faith to make it that far. But I didn't have the faith to believe he wouldn't let me drown. I honestly convince myself that he called me out here to let me drown. I mean, things aren't lining up. The job isn't happening, I haven't met my knight in shining armor, it's still scary and he is not stopping any of it. How could he?! I trusted him!
Then I stop, and look up and there he is, hand extended, shaking his head with a slight smile on his face saying "Oh you of little faith, did you honestly think I would let you drown? Don't you know me at all?" He pulls me up and suddenly I realize how foolish I am.
I know my Jesus is not like that. I do. He will never ask me to get out of the boat just to sit by and watch me drown. But if I start to, it I let fear get in the way, he will always extend his hand out and pull me to him, if I allow him to.
1 comment:
Wow. You have no idea how much a mama needs to know that her daughter can see this, knows this, clings to this. Because He is the only one who knows the plan, who knows the timing, who knows the story. I can't write it for you, as much as I want to, and that makes me feel helpless to pull you up when you are fearful. Thank you Jesus for your strong hand.
And, one more thing, life never really quits being scary......;)
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