http://www.shopruche.com/index.php
This is my new favorite store....
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Turn the Page
So remember that post a few days ago when I said something exciting might be brewing? Well it's done been brewed. (ya I don't really know why I thought that was the best way to say that....)
So here it is...the big news....
Drum roll please (dadadadadadadadada)
I am..
MOVING TO NASHVILLE!!!!!!
Yup! It's true! It's actually happening!
I sent in my resume to a company called Webster and Associates Pr. They are an entertainment PR company. They work with names like Dolly Parton, Hank Williams Jr., Kenny Rogers, Kid Rock, The Judds etc. Not exactly my favorite genre of music but hey, they aren't bad names to work for.
Well, that's really all I had to do, just send in my resume. After about 3 exchanged e-mails they offered me the internship. We talked yesterday on the phone and it looks like it's going to be the perfect situation. I pretty much get to choose my schedule, whatever will work best for me. They said they understand I will need to get a second job (it's and unpaid internship) and that I am looking to advance my career so they are very willing to work around my schedule. So that's just wonderful.
I also get to take my time getting out there. It looks like I will be going sometime in August. Again they were very flexible with when I came. They said the offer wasn't going away and that whenever I could get out there was fine. This was a big relief because I was afraid they would want me out there really quick and I wouldn't have time to say my goodbyes or really get things lined up when I got there.
It just sounds perfect and the experience will be priceless. It will also be SO much easier to find a actual job when I'm there.
God has just lined this up so perfectly. It was literally just handed to me. I am just blown away. So now I start the apartment and part time job hunt. But I KNOW that God will provide. How could I doubt that he would?
This is my dream. It's coming true and I am beyond grateful that I get the chance to. I love this city and I love this industry. And this is just the first step of the journey.
I can't wait to see what God has up his sleeve.
I definitely have my fears. Living so far from my family. All the unknowns. Leaving friends. But very rarely does God take us somewhere were there is no fear involved.
The next adventure begins.
(sorry if this post is kind of confusing, or seems scattered. It would reflect what my brain is like. So much to process and take in and plan. It's a little hard to get my thoughts straight.)
So here it is...the big news....
Drum roll please (dadadadadadadadada)
I am..
MOVING TO NASHVILLE!!!!!!
Yup! It's true! It's actually happening!
I sent in my resume to a company called Webster and Associates Pr. They are an entertainment PR company. They work with names like Dolly Parton, Hank Williams Jr., Kenny Rogers, Kid Rock, The Judds etc. Not exactly my favorite genre of music but hey, they aren't bad names to work for.
Well, that's really all I had to do, just send in my resume. After about 3 exchanged e-mails they offered me the internship. We talked yesterday on the phone and it looks like it's going to be the perfect situation. I pretty much get to choose my schedule, whatever will work best for me. They said they understand I will need to get a second job (it's and unpaid internship) and that I am looking to advance my career so they are very willing to work around my schedule. So that's just wonderful.
I also get to take my time getting out there. It looks like I will be going sometime in August. Again they were very flexible with when I came. They said the offer wasn't going away and that whenever I could get out there was fine. This was a big relief because I was afraid they would want me out there really quick and I wouldn't have time to say my goodbyes or really get things lined up when I got there.
It just sounds perfect and the experience will be priceless. It will also be SO much easier to find a actual job when I'm there.
God has just lined this up so perfectly. It was literally just handed to me. I am just blown away. So now I start the apartment and part time job hunt. But I KNOW that God will provide. How could I doubt that he would?
This is my dream. It's coming true and I am beyond grateful that I get the chance to. I love this city and I love this industry. And this is just the first step of the journey.
I can't wait to see what God has up his sleeve.
I definitely have my fears. Living so far from my family. All the unknowns. Leaving friends. But very rarely does God take us somewhere were there is no fear involved.
The next adventure begins.
(sorry if this post is kind of confusing, or seems scattered. It would reflect what my brain is like. So much to process and take in and plan. It's a little hard to get my thoughts straight.)
A heart that's been broken
I have completely invested myself in this World Cup and I believe soccer has won my heart for good.
It has also broken my heart.
That painful loss for the US to Ghana (yes I know that we probably didn't deserve to go any further, but after those other dramatically beautiful games a girl could hope).
Then that EXTREMELY painful loss of England to Germany. (and yet ANOTHER horrible call by the ref that just might have changed the entire tournament. Seriously refs, get it together, this isn't just a backyard game. It's kinda a big deal.) Those poor men. Their country is not being very forgiving.
So now who do I go for? My friend Michael says I should go for Germany (he loves all things German) but I refuse. I just can't go there. Sorry Michael. I have to just say "NO".
Maybe Spain? Or the Netherlands? If I was smart and wanted to avoid future heartbreak I should probably pick Brazil.
But for now I say "Vamos Espana"!!!!
It has also broken my heart.
That painful loss for the US to Ghana (yes I know that we probably didn't deserve to go any further, but after those other dramatically beautiful games a girl could hope).
Then that EXTREMELY painful loss of England to Germany. (and yet ANOTHER horrible call by the ref that just might have changed the entire tournament. Seriously refs, get it together, this isn't just a backyard game. It's kinda a big deal.) Those poor men. Their country is not being very forgiving.
So now who do I go for? My friend Michael says I should go for Germany (he loves all things German) but I refuse. I just can't go there. Sorry Michael. I have to just say "NO".
Maybe Spain? Or the Netherlands? If I was smart and wanted to avoid future heartbreak I should probably pick Brazil.
But for now I say "Vamos Espana"!!!!
Friday, June 25, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
A punch in the gut
I am reading the book "Plan B" by Pete Wilson.
I've mentioned it before here.
It's a book about dealing with life when things don't go as we planned them.
Chapter 10 is titled "Anchor". The whole chapter is great (as is the entire book) and has a lot of powerful things to say (again, as does the entire book. beware this book will beat you up, in the best possible way). But the part of the book that beat me the hardest talks about idols.
He quotes Ezekiel 8-19 where the body of Christ is basically called a whore. Yes a whore. A prostitute. Seem harsh? It's not. It's complete truth. A hard truth to swallow. None of us want to admit that we are a whore, I mean, that's not something you want to tell people. But we cannot deny it.
We have many other lovers. We have denied our first love, our best love and called other lovers into our bedchambers. We have idols.
An idol is simply the thing we take, other than God, and make it our ultimate focus. I don't think there is one of us who can say we have never done this, that something or someone has not been more of a focus to us than God. Me least of all.
So how do we figure out what our idols are? (i'm betting that it is actually easier than we think, that we actually right now know what it is.) Louie Giglio says that we should follow the trail. What do we give our: time, affections, energy, money, and allegiance to? Seriously, do it. It's not pretty. I don't think I can put God at the front of any of those trails. And that breaks my heart. That the throne is not constantly filled by my Savior, my Jesus.
God tells us later in Ezekiel (16:29-42) that he will let us chase after our other lovers, but that we should know that they will hurt us, disappoint us, ruin us, betray us.
I am ashamed. Broken. How can I give my devotion to t.v. or the internet, or a broken relationship, or the pursuit of a job, or a dream, or even my family, over Christ.
How?
I want to change this. Desperately.
How?
By becoming aware of it. By writing this. By asking those in my life to call me out when they see it happening. By Christ's power. Not alone that's for sure. By allowing myself to be allured by God. By remembering that God has been faithful to us and demands our allegiance in return, that he wants us to pursue him even over our dreams and desires.
Let change begin in me.
I've mentioned it before here.
It's a book about dealing with life when things don't go as we planned them.
Chapter 10 is titled "Anchor". The whole chapter is great (as is the entire book) and has a lot of powerful things to say (again, as does the entire book. beware this book will beat you up, in the best possible way). But the part of the book that beat me the hardest talks about idols.
He quotes Ezekiel 8-19 where the body of Christ is basically called a whore. Yes a whore. A prostitute. Seem harsh? It's not. It's complete truth. A hard truth to swallow. None of us want to admit that we are a whore, I mean, that's not something you want to tell people. But we cannot deny it.
We have many other lovers. We have denied our first love, our best love and called other lovers into our bedchambers. We have idols.
An idol is simply the thing we take, other than God, and make it our ultimate focus. I don't think there is one of us who can say we have never done this, that something or someone has not been more of a focus to us than God. Me least of all.
So how do we figure out what our idols are? (i'm betting that it is actually easier than we think, that we actually right now know what it is.) Louie Giglio says that we should follow the trail. What do we give our: time, affections, energy, money, and allegiance to? Seriously, do it. It's not pretty. I don't think I can put God at the front of any of those trails. And that breaks my heart. That the throne is not constantly filled by my Savior, my Jesus.
God tells us later in Ezekiel (16:29-42) that he will let us chase after our other lovers, but that we should know that they will hurt us, disappoint us, ruin us, betray us.
I am ashamed. Broken. How can I give my devotion to t.v. or the internet, or a broken relationship, or the pursuit of a job, or a dream, or even my family, over Christ.
How?
I want to change this. Desperately.
How?
By becoming aware of it. By writing this. By asking those in my life to call me out when they see it happening. By Christ's power. Not alone that's for sure. By allowing myself to be allured by God. By remembering that God has been faithful to us and demands our allegiance in return, that he wants us to pursue him even over our dreams and desires.
Let change begin in me.
Friday, June 18, 2010
How He Loves
I have posted this song before, but I think it's worth posting again.
I have been listening to this song for the past couple nights as I fall asleep. And I think it would be a good way to start the day as well.
In a time where emotions are running wild, remembering this truth is comforting.
The hole is much smaller, the breathing easier.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
This is going to be another honest, raw post.
Ye be warned...
These days, I constantly feel like at any second I could break down, like anything could send me into a crying fit.
And sometimes it happens. When I see a group of people who are close, who are there for each other, always. Who live life together. It happens. It can be real people, or fake people. Fake people? yes, that's what I said. People on a tv show, in a book, a movie.
A song.
A memory.
Honestly, just about anything.
I feel like there is a hole in my chest and for the past month and a half it has literally been hard to breathe.
Ye be warned...
These days, I constantly feel like at any second I could break down, like anything could send me into a crying fit.
And sometimes it happens. When I see a group of people who are close, who are there for each other, always. Who live life together. It happens. It can be real people, or fake people. Fake people? yes, that's what I said. People on a tv show, in a book, a movie.
A song.
A memory.
Honestly, just about anything.
I feel like there is a hole in my chest and for the past month and a half it has literally been hard to breathe.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Well I must give credit where credit is due, I didn't write this.
Meg did. Check her out. She has a way with words and stories that I wish I had.
I haven't read anything that relates so perfectly to what I've felt.
Not Quite Closure:
she sat in a chair just a few feet from his.
Meg did. Check her out. She has a way with words and stories that I wish I had.
I haven't read anything that relates so perfectly to what I've felt.
Not Quite Closure:
she sat in a chair just a few feet from his.
she fingered the wine glass in front of her.
watched as he joked with his friends across the table.
listened to their conversations. smiled.
the bar was crowded. joyous in it's teeming capacity.
everyone knew everyone else.
the atmosphere was one of celebration and beginning. the start of something.
she felt so full with it all.
and yet.
she eyed the packet of cigarettes in front of him.
he hadn't smoked when they'd known each other.
he wold turn to ask her a question, and she couldn't find the man she'd once cared for in his eyes.
she felt as though she was sitting next to a stranger. couldn't equate this person with the man she'd gone on all those dates with, the man she'd had countless daydreams about.
she knew what he was doing. well, she thought she did.
it was protection, this closing off. she understood.
he was perfectly polite. perfectly kind. it had been nice of him to include her. but he was so far away. the three feet between them belied a far greater distance.
had she hurt him? was that was this was?
she was having two experiences at once. she was enjoying her wine, enjoying meeting new people, laughing even. and yet, the person she had come for was changed in a way that she couldn't quite touch.
there was no sense of any history. any past.
and because the man sitting next to her was not the man she had loved she wondered if that man had ever existed. perhaps not.
and just like that, with that one thought, all the memories of the two of them together became memories of her alone. without. how quickly he dissolved from the images her mind paged through on slow, yawning afternoons.
it was then. and only then that she first felt her heart break. and oh how she hated that phrase. heart. break. but there it was.
never had she felt so alone. in the midst of the crowded bar. among friends and new faces she was unspeakably, unutterably alone.
she had loved him. just a little. or started to at least. she hadn't meant to hurt him. certainly not that. but mistakes are made.
so she finished her second glass of wine. kissed him on the cheek. and walked out. alone.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
A little get away
I am in Dallas for the week house sitting for my brother while they go visit Sherah's (My sister in law) family in Albuquerque. I am really excited about this week for many reasons:
1. I am just really happy to be in a city again
2. My really good friend Darby lives here and so I get to play with her for a whole week
3. I am taking this opportunity to job hunt. To go to places in person and see if that gives me more luck. Darby also knows the ins and outs of Dallas so she is going to help!!
4. Madi Diaz (one of my favorite artists) is going to be in Dallas on Friday and my friend Kacie Willams is coming up to see her too! P.S. CHECK both of these wonderful musicians out! Kacie is an incredible artist as well. You can find both of them on i-Tunes.
5. My brother and sister in law and nieces get back on Saturday and that means I get to see them. This makes me VERY happy, because I would hate to come to Dallas and not get to see these faces:
1. I am just really happy to be in a city again
2. My really good friend Darby lives here and so I get to play with her for a whole week
3. I am taking this opportunity to job hunt. To go to places in person and see if that gives me more luck. Darby also knows the ins and outs of Dallas so she is going to help!!
4. Madi Diaz (one of my favorite artists) is going to be in Dallas on Friday and my friend Kacie Willams is coming up to see her too! P.S. CHECK both of these wonderful musicians out! Kacie is an incredible artist as well. You can find both of them on i-Tunes.
5. My brother and sister in law and nieces get back on Saturday and that means I get to see them. This makes me VERY happy, because I would hate to come to Dallas and not get to see these faces:
Friday, June 11, 2010
- Watch more Entertainment Videos at Vodpod.
I'm not going to lie....
I cried
Till next season Glee, I love you
A Change of Heart?
I've never been a fan of soccer (mostly because it's one of the only sports that I don't know the rules), so because of this I have never been a fan of the World Cup. Something has changed this year. I'm not sure what it is or why it's happened but I am intrigued by this sport this year. I actually want to watch it, I'm excited about it, it's weird.
I don't really know who I'm rooting for yet (besides the US of course) but I think I will grow an attachment for a team or two.
Right now I am watching South Africa and Mexico. I got to see a South African score the first goal on S. African soil. It was so exciting, and I was so happy for him. He got to make history in his country, he got to live in that moment, in front of his people. How cool is that??
As these days go by I fully intend on watching as much of this tournament as I can and to learn about soccer and maybe grow to love it, I mean every one else in the world does, so there must be something about it.
Anyway, I'll keep you updated on my journey.
Do you watch the World Cup? Who are you rooting for?
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Secret Wishes
If I could do anything, I would _________.
I would sing.
That is my "if I could do anything".
Music is powerful, it's beautiful, it's kind of magical.
To be able to deliver that to someone, to be directly in the middle of that,
How perfect.
What would you do?
I would sing.
That is my "if I could do anything".
Music is powerful, it's beautiful, it's kind of magical.
To be able to deliver that to someone, to be directly in the middle of that,
How perfect.
What would you do?
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
That's Where My Head Is
I am sitting here in the quiet of the morning, coffee in hand, struggling.
Struggling to find words.
Struggling to process what is going on inside me.
My heart is heavy.
I am discouraged, frustrated, scared, unsure and lonely.
I am discouraged because I am having zero luck finding a job. Not just landing a job, but even finding a position to apply for. This can mean 3 things. Either the job market is absolutely horrible and there are no positions right for me, or the positions right for me are not posted online and can be better found while living in the city, or that I just suck at looking. All three of these options are discouraging.
I am frustrated because this is not how I pictured this going. Every other summer for 4 years I have had a plan. I was either going out of the country or moving to another city. I always had something to look forward to and a new incredible experience in a new incredible place. But not this summer. The one summer where I actually have to find something, and I can't. Part of that is my fault. I put too much confidence in the idea that I would find "my perfect job". Frustrating. I have discovered that I am a dreamer. Not a realist. And this time, that hurt me. I should have been more realistic and diligent about this whole thing. I could have gone on a mission trip, I could have moved somewhere blindly like I have in the past, but instead I didn't do anything and now here I am stuck and struggling. Frustrating.
I'm scared. I'm scared of this next part of life. Actually terrified might be a better word. I'm scared of actually getting a job, because I'm scared I'll fail. That I won't be able to do the things required of me to do. That I'll get in the position and freeze up, that all the things I've learned and the growth I've made these past four years will disappear and I will be the shy, quiet girl who cries when she messes up, that I won't be able to handle new things or pressure to perform, that I'll crumple and fail.
I'm lonely. I am NOT alone. I have my family, I have friends here and I know that they are here for me, that they support me, that they love me. I feel that, I know that. But, I am still lonely. Yes, my family understands to an extent. They have all been where I am in a way. This whole, "now I have to be an adult" stage. But none of them have been in it like I am. They cannot fully understand my situation or how I'm feeling. This is not their fault at all. See, I am the only one in my immediate family that has not been married by now. My parents got married when they were 18 and my brother and sister in law got married when they were 19. So, they have never gone through this alone. They don't know what it's like to be single and starting a whole new life. It's terrifying. Yes, it definitely has its advantages. I don't have to worry about providing for anyone, no one else is depending on me. This is a relief. If I fail, no one but me pays the consequences. I also don't have to think about anyone else and their dreams and callings when I decide how to follow mine. These are all good things. But I am alone, I won't have someone to come home to, to stand by me through it all, to help support me. This is where it's hard, and scary.
I miss my friends. I miss that support group of people who knew exactly what I am going through, who are going through it with me. It's really hard being ripped away from the people who have become family to you and knowing that it will never be like it was, knowing that time is over. It leaves a kind of hole, one that I know will be filled again, but a hole nonetheless.
That is as well as I can explain what I am feeling.
But this is what I know.
I am not under any illusion that God is not here through this, that he doesn't care or isn't giving me what I need. I know he is. I know this, I trust this. He is here and he has his plan and his timing. I can look back in my life and see that he has never failed me yet and know that he never will. It may not be what I planned or hoped or when I planned or hoped, but it will be perfect. It will be exactly what I need. This truth has never left my mind. This is not what I am struggling with.
Neither is trusting. I completely trust him and give over my dreams to him. I don't doubt for a second that this was always in his plan and that what comes next has been as well.
I am reading the book "Plan B" by Pete Wilson right now. It is about when your dreams shatter, when life isn't turning out how you thought, when you have to turn to Plan B. what do you do? how do you think? It has been so good for me right now. So many times I think that there is no way what I just read was originally in the book, that God must have supernaturally re-written those words just for me, just for right now. So many times it has reminded me of the truths I talked about. Here are some things that hit me, that are exactly what I needed:
Your dreams may not be happening, and things aren't turning out the way you expected, but that doesn't mean your life is spinning out of control. It just means you're not in control.
(Talking about the Israelites when God told them to cross the Jordan river, when it was at it's flood point, to get to the promised land) They will not see God's power, they will not experience his faithfullness, until they get their feet wet.
We have to move before we're sure. We have to step into the floodwaters while they're still gushing past us. And doing that takes courage.
You will fear it until you surrender it.
And yet the truth is that God is more powerfully present even when he seems more apparently absent.
He knows what you're going through. He is right beside you, sharing your pain, even though he may not take it away. And he knows what he's doing with your life, even if you don't....Let it ease your mind and your heart. Let it bring you strength and courage and peace and comfort.
These moments are crucial because God is trying to get you to the place where you can't handle things on your own, where you are willing to surrender your plans in order to receive his.
Even when you're going through all that God is still with you. But don't think that means it takes away your pain, anger, disappointment, and loss in that moment. Don't think you won't feel the sting of injustice
We are called to be faithful to God even when it seems he hasn't been faithful to us. We're called to love him even when we feel abandoned. We're called to look for him even in the midst of the darkness. We're called to worship him even through our tears.
So this is where I'm at.( I apologize for the RIDICULOUSLY long post, but it was necessary. ) I am at the place where I know God is with me, but he has not taken away the hard stuff. It is one of those places where trusting is hard and painful and where God does not take that away. Where I must go through this in order to fully depend on him. Where it's more about who I am becoming than where I am going. This is where I am
I'm scared. I'm scared of this next part of life. Actually terrified might be a better word. I'm scared of actually getting a job, because I'm scared I'll fail. That I won't be able to do the things required of me to do. That I'll get in the position and freeze up, that all the things I've learned and the growth I've made these past four years will disappear and I will be the shy, quiet girl who cries when she messes up, that I won't be able to handle new things or pressure to perform, that I'll crumple and fail.
I'm lonely. I am NOT alone. I have my family, I have friends here and I know that they are here for me, that they support me, that they love me. I feel that, I know that. But, I am still lonely. Yes, my family understands to an extent. They have all been where I am in a way. This whole, "now I have to be an adult" stage. But none of them have been in it like I am. They cannot fully understand my situation or how I'm feeling. This is not their fault at all. See, I am the only one in my immediate family that has not been married by now. My parents got married when they were 18 and my brother and sister in law got married when they were 19. So, they have never gone through this alone. They don't know what it's like to be single and starting a whole new life. It's terrifying. Yes, it definitely has its advantages. I don't have to worry about providing for anyone, no one else is depending on me. This is a relief. If I fail, no one but me pays the consequences. I also don't have to think about anyone else and their dreams and callings when I decide how to follow mine. These are all good things. But I am alone, I won't have someone to come home to, to stand by me through it all, to help support me. This is where it's hard, and scary.
I miss my friends. I miss that support group of people who knew exactly what I am going through, who are going through it with me. It's really hard being ripped away from the people who have become family to you and knowing that it will never be like it was, knowing that time is over. It leaves a kind of hole, one that I know will be filled again, but a hole nonetheless.
That is as well as I can explain what I am feeling.
But this is what I know.
I am not under any illusion that God is not here through this, that he doesn't care or isn't giving me what I need. I know he is. I know this, I trust this. He is here and he has his plan and his timing. I can look back in my life and see that he has never failed me yet and know that he never will. It may not be what I planned or hoped or when I planned or hoped, but it will be perfect. It will be exactly what I need. This truth has never left my mind. This is not what I am struggling with.
Neither is trusting. I completely trust him and give over my dreams to him. I don't doubt for a second that this was always in his plan and that what comes next has been as well.
I am reading the book "Plan B" by Pete Wilson right now. It is about when your dreams shatter, when life isn't turning out how you thought, when you have to turn to Plan B. what do you do? how do you think? It has been so good for me right now. So many times I think that there is no way what I just read was originally in the book, that God must have supernaturally re-written those words just for me, just for right now. So many times it has reminded me of the truths I talked about. Here are some things that hit me, that are exactly what I needed:
Your dreams may not be happening, and things aren't turning out the way you expected, but that doesn't mean your life is spinning out of control. It just means you're not in control.
(Talking about the Israelites when God told them to cross the Jordan river, when it was at it's flood point, to get to the promised land) They will not see God's power, they will not experience his faithfullness, until they get their feet wet.
We have to move before we're sure. We have to step into the floodwaters while they're still gushing past us. And doing that takes courage.
You will fear it until you surrender it.
And yet the truth is that God is more powerfully present even when he seems more apparently absent.
He knows what you're going through. He is right beside you, sharing your pain, even though he may not take it away. And he knows what he's doing with your life, even if you don't....Let it ease your mind and your heart. Let it bring you strength and courage and peace and comfort.
These moments are crucial because God is trying to get you to the place where you can't handle things on your own, where you are willing to surrender your plans in order to receive his.
Even when you're going through all that God is still with you. But don't think that means it takes away your pain, anger, disappointment, and loss in that moment. Don't think you won't feel the sting of injustice
We are called to be faithful to God even when it seems he hasn't been faithful to us. We're called to love him even when we feel abandoned. We're called to look for him even in the midst of the darkness. We're called to worship him even through our tears.
So this is where I'm at.( I apologize for the RIDICULOUSLY long post, but it was necessary. ) I am at the place where I know God is with me, but he has not taken away the hard stuff. It is one of those places where trusting is hard and painful and where God does not take that away. Where I must go through this in order to fully depend on him. Where it's more about who I am becoming than where I am going. This is where I am
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