Crush

Meg wrote this quite awhile ago. If you're a boy, take note.

Dear Crush,

If you think I don't know your name. If I don't say hello or goodbye. If my eyes dart to the floor every time you look in my direction. If I scowl or pretend to ignore you. If I act like I'm much too good. If you wonder why I'm friendly and charming with everyone but you...it's because I like you. It's because my whole body gets warm when I see you. It's because I'm actually shy. It's because you've missed the countless sidelong glances I've thrown in your direction. And because I am completely terrified that if our eyes were to ever meet, it would all be over--that in that instant I would unwittingly confess to the thousands of little lies that kept you from knowing just how hard I might (and maybe want) to fall for you.

signed,
the girl you think has a crush on your friend.

Just That Simple

Baha. This just made me laugh.

Progress

My last post, though I didn't originally write it, was how I felt, for the past 5 years. This post, is where I am now. And let me tell you. I like now WAY better than I like then.

The first post was by a girl named Meg, check out her wonderful blog. It hit me, it's me, right now:

" You spend months, years, (a year?), weeks, fortnights, minutes, innumerable seconds pining after someone. wanting them, missing them, needing them. feeling unworthy of them-because that's the story that was told. by him? by you? somewhere in all that passing of time you've forgotten. where to lay the blame? doesn't really matter, you suppose. not anymore, anyway. or did it ever?

and then one day you wake and the light has shifted. and the lens comes into focus. and you realize that all along--actually--it was he who was unworthy of you.

and god does that realization feel good."

And this post is another one from Grace. With some edits to the days:

4 Years, 4 months {1,580 days} of you

...and I'm done.

Leaves have grown over the branches of the tree we once sat in, houses have been built along the empty streets we once played in.

In a few months we will barely know each other anymore.

After a while I won't think of you as often.

There will still be days I miss you. There will still be nights I cry.

But you will find someone better for you, and I will find someone better for me.

There will be things we both won't ever forget. We'll look back and smile, and our hearts will clench a little.
.
.

When I think of you, I'll always remember you as someone that I loved.

Goodbye.

{Crazy Love}

Maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe I'll never get it.

But I can't help but want it.

Long for it.

Believe in it.

Maybe because, as a Christian, I am aware of and a part of the most intense, unexplainable love story in the history of mankind. I've experienced a love like this.

I want a love that's crazy, passionate, intense, wild, against all odds. I want a love that makes me lose my breath. I want to laugh till I can't breathe. I want to dance into the night.

The love I have felt, however twisted it has been, felt like that. It was exciting, wild. It may have ended in tears or hurt, but I would not trade it for anything.

Now I want to love like that and be loved like that in return.

You can tell me I'm being unrealistic. That not all love is like that. That it's not like a book, or a song, or movie. and that's fine. but I'll tell you now, I won't believe you. I can't. Not yet.

So maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I'm setting myself up for disappointment. Maybe I'm being unrealistic.

Or maybe not...